Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Lets have a moment..

I haven't been behaving.... I have been eating fast food and drinking soda...more than I care to admit. The scale has stayed the same luckly. Tomarrow is a new day, I will once again get back on the wagon and stay on it.

This time of year is hard on me. I never considered myself a "emotional eater" But I am definitly beginning to see that I am. You see....three years ago our little family suffered a saddening loss. We had a little girl who was born with many health problems because she was born with a chromosomal abnormality, called Patau Syndrome or Trisomy 13. She was blind and deaf and was never able to eat from a bottle or nurse. She came home at 5 wks and we never slept. She had to be fed every two hours and there was medicine that had to be given as often. It was a very hard time but we loved her and cherished her every day we had her.
On April 23 she passed away at 10 wks 5 dys. Every year my heart aches and it tears me apart. I can't help but go over the days leading up to her passing, I remember everything. We knew she would go, we had learned that early on but even when you know...it doesn't make it any more easy. I have a friend whose daughter is close in age to her. It breaks my heart seeing where she should have been in her life, the things she should be doing now. I know that things happen for a reason. I know God has plans, I truely believe that. It just isn't always comforting.

I know this has made me a stronger person, in a lot of ways. I'm just not that person right now. I miss her terribly and this time of year amplifies it...

I know my Lainie would want me to be happy and Not cry for her. Thats why I WILL go back to the gym tomarrow. I will work my butt off and I will focus on what I need to do. Thats the least I can do...

For more information on the chomosomal abnormality that Alaina and other children have lost their battles to and more kids who are fighting everyday check out this website. http://www.livingwithtrisomy13.org/ Patau Syndrome is rare and many people do not even know that they are at risk for having a baby with it, I never had a clue.... Help raise awareness!!

~Alaina Hope Molchak~
Feb 8, 2006 - April 23, 2006

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