Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Lets have a moment..

I haven't been behaving.... I have been eating fast food and drinking soda...more than I care to admit. The scale has stayed the same luckly. Tomarrow is a new day, I will once again get back on the wagon and stay on it.

This time of year is hard on me. I never considered myself a "emotional eater" But I am definitly beginning to see that I am. You see....three years ago our little family suffered a saddening loss. We had a little girl who was born with many health problems because she was born with a chromosomal abnormality, called Patau Syndrome or Trisomy 13. She was blind and deaf and was never able to eat from a bottle or nurse. She came home at 5 wks and we never slept. She had to be fed every two hours and there was medicine that had to be given as often. It was a very hard time but we loved her and cherished her every day we had her.
On April 23 she passed away at 10 wks 5 dys. Every year my heart aches and it tears me apart. I can't help but go over the days leading up to her passing, I remember everything. We knew she would go, we had learned that early on but even when you know...it doesn't make it any more easy. I have a friend whose daughter is close in age to her. It breaks my heart seeing where she should have been in her life, the things she should be doing now. I know that things happen for a reason. I know God has plans, I truely believe that. It just isn't always comforting.

I know this has made me a stronger person, in a lot of ways. I'm just not that person right now. I miss her terribly and this time of year amplifies it...

I know my Lainie would want me to be happy and Not cry for her. Thats why I WILL go back to the gym tomarrow. I will work my butt off and I will focus on what I need to do. Thats the least I can do...

For more information on the chomosomal abnormality that Alaina and other children have lost their battles to and more kids who are fighting everyday check out this website. http://www.livingwithtrisomy13.org/ Patau Syndrome is rare and many people do not even know that they are at risk for having a baby with it, I never had a clue.... Help raise awareness!!

~Alaina Hope Molchak~
Feb 8, 2006 - April 23, 2006

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Almost there!!

Well again, it's been awhile. My computer was in the shop for a good month and something. A couple weeks ago I finally got my date! the surgery is set for May 12! I can't even believe it. Honestly I'm not sure it's hit me. I'm still losing weight....granted, I have fallen off the wagon a couple times but got back on and kept going.

It's definitly not easy to completely turn your lifestyle upside down and inside out. I did awesome for the first three weeks and then... yep...I had a whoops... well I've had a few. Considering overall since this process began, I am doing splended. I have a soda once a week along with one meal that is my reward for being good the rest of the week. This happens on the weekends. Usually a Saturday. I began going to the gym daily. I was thrilled on Tuesday when I walked a mile in 19 mins!! I was even more thrilled when I saw that the scale had still moved over the weekend!

I am down to 268.2 Just a little over a lb before I hit my first 10lb goal. I'm stoked that I have been able to lose on my own. However, I know though that it would be a constant forever battle if I were to continue on my own. I have been actively trying to lose since the first of Feb. 10lbs in 2 months, I suppose isn't bad. I'm going to kick it up a notch and add in my weights, just for toning. I would really like to drop 10 more pounds before my surgery. This would thrill me and the doctors!!

I'm getting prepared. I have my chewable vitamins, I'm going to pick up my chewable calicum and vitamin D on Pay day. I already take all three, but for the first 6 wks all of those have to be chewable. I will also stock up on my unflavored protien powder. I really perfer that to the flavored ones. I found a nice "Natural Soy" with 13 grams at GNC. It's awesome in soup.

Thats all I got.... For Now. I'm going to have Aaron take pics of me and get them up here. A few women have mentioned that they regret not taking more photos before the surgery. while I can't imagine ever wanting to look back on my old self, I can see how it would be nice to see the difference. I'm also going to pack away, a shirt and a pair of jeans, a bra and some panties. I want to be able to compare. Should be interesting!! Till next time!